a little perspective

Squirt's tantrums have reached a new level. I thought wailing, kicking, and throwing herself dramatically onto the floor was as far as it would go. Well, I have learned a very valuable lesson in her one-uppery skills. Yesterday at daycare, she threw the worst tantrum they ever saw (they had the audacity to take away her sippy cup after she had repeatedly been dumping it out on the table), culminating in her holding her breath long enough for her lips to turn blue. Understandably, her caregivers were scared and promptly gave her back her cup (and an extra snack and a hug and a toy...). I was initially very frustrated by this whole situation - first off by her behavior, and then because they "gave in." I started wondering what I would do if she ever did something like that with me and started to worry that she would start holding her breath now all the time just to get something that she wanted... I began to see my precious, kind-hearted little girl as a manipulative, selfish brat, which just didn't seem to fit and hurt my heart to think. I started to brainstorm about what I needed to do to "improve" her behavior.

But then I talked with my midwife, who shared her experiences and helped me to see this situation from a different perspective. Right now, Squirt is full of thoughts and emotions (obviously) about the world around her that she can't yet effectively communicate. She's frustrated, scared, excited, you name it. She has big, big feelings that she wants to share, but we just don't get them, and that makes her more frustrated. On top of this, in retrospect, her biggest tantrums seem to stem from her confusion. I have always taught her to share, explore, and try new things. She has quite an outburst when I don't share something with her (oh, like my glass of wine), let her explore somewhere (like the busy street), or let her try something new (like sticking a pen in the power outlet). She doesn't understand why these actions are "bad" when other, similar actions are ok.

Thinking about it like this has definitely changed my approach. It's not her behavior that needs to be improved upon; instead, I need to improve my ability to empathize and better understand her perspective. I need to learn ways to communicate more effectively with her while teaching her more effective means of expression. I think consistency will also be key here. If something is "bad," it needs to always be "bad," not just when I'm on a short fuse. The same is true of "good" things - they can't be "bad" when I'm having a bad day.

While I have no doubts that I have countless more tantrums in my future, I hope this new perspective of them will help me to diffuse them easier and, perhaps, prevent some from even starting. I also hope to be able to better communicate with Squirt so we can be happier and grow together even more.

Frustrated that nobody "gets" it. It's tough being a baby!

How could this innocent little creature ever have a hissy fit?