home stretch

Earlier this week, as time rolled ever onward, I waddled into my third trimester. As rough as the first two have been, I'm surprised that I'm surprised. It felt like every day in the first two was a test of my endurance just to make it through the day, yet despite that, I still can't believe I'm "already" in the third trimester, the home stretch!

This pregnancy has been so intense, yet strangely surreal. Given that this will be my last planned pregnancy, I went into it planning to savor it, to really treasure such a miraculous experience, but Deuce had other plans. The nausea was debilitating from almost the moment of implantation through most of the second trimester. Before that even let up, well before my third trimester when I expected it, my SI joint and hips began shifting out of place, causing pain so intense sometimes it took my breath away and brought tears to my eyes. And the fatigue, oh the fatigue. The level of exhaustion I've felt every single day with this one... I've never felt so drained, and that's saying something considering how very little sleep I got with tiny Squirt! Looking back from where I cling on this third trimester ledge, I do not recall a single "good" day, a day where I could truly "enjoy" the wonder of what my body was doing - because every day, my body was doing *something* that made me wonder if I could even get through. Squirt's pregnancy, which had it's challenges - especially in the last trimester - looks like a cake walk compared to this one. Given how unpleasant my pregnancy with Squirt became in the third trimester, I'm pretty apprehensive of how much *worse* this one can get. I'm hoping, though, that maybe I'll still get a golden trimester. Most women have theirs in the second, when they feel great. Maybe I'll get some of that in the third! One can hope. I still want to "savor" this pregnancy...

Every time I catch myself complaining about how rough it's been, I do, however, remind myself to stop and realize exactly what I'm doing - I'm growing another little human! I watch Squirt go about her adventures and realize that I'm doing THAT again! And that is amazing. I am connected to this tiny little soul, providing it's every need. As I watch Squirt in her attempts at world domination, I realize that soon there will be four little feet, four little hands, two bright smiles melting my heart. I am giving her the gift of a sibling while she and Deuce are giving me the gift of more love than I ever imagined possible. As I connect more with this little human inside of me, I am realizing that your heart doesn't portion out the love you already have when you grow your family; rather, your heart grows exponentially to love even more. And that is what makes the last two trimesters melt away. Looking back, I would go through everything I went through bringing Squirt into the world a million times for her. And, really, I would go through the last two trimesters a million times for tiny Deuce. These little ones are worth it all. So I will keep climbing up that steep slope to the peak while trying my best to enjoy the view along the way.

Contemplative Deuce at 27 weeks.