one year ago

One year ago today, I found out I was pregnant with Deuce. It's so hard to believe that was a year ago - it seems like just yesterday! It feels like the entire year was a crazy, intense dream, from which I am just now waking up; though, I am waking up to two tiny, (sometimes) smiling humans. (How did that even happen?!) This week, the weight of the past year, and the changes it brought, really settled into my bones. My life, my family, my heart have grown and transformed into something new. Moreso than I ever felt before, I really feel like "mom" now. When Squirt calls me "momma", it really sinks in deep. *I* am momma. I am everything to these tiny, wonderful humans. I grew them, birthed them, nursed them, nurtured them. They carry my heart and are pieces of me - the best pieces.

Realizing today marks one year from the start of my pregnancy with Deuce is bittersweet. The year was quite an adventure, but I feel I missed so much precious time with Squirt as I was busy getting through the tough pregnancy. Looking at her now, as I'm coming out of the haze that was the last twelve months, I see a kid - not my baby, not my toddler, but a kid. And not just any kid, but a big sister - a wonderful big sister. She has grown and changed so much this past year, stepping effortlessly into her role as the big sister, a role she takes very seriously. I feel like I missed so much of her transformation to the nausea, fatigue, discomforts...

But now Deuce is here! And I'm starting to come out of that mythical "fourth trimester" as I settle into my new life and new groove. I see what a wonderful treasure I hold in my arms - these two. No matter how rough her day has been, seeing Deuce always makes Squirt happy, and he is always all smiles for her. Watching their love and relationship continue to bloom makes all the rough patches of this last year more than worth it! Now that I'm starting to settle into our new dynamic, I resolve to be ever more present in the precious moments I share with my family because, before I know it, I'll blink and another year will pass. Deuce will be a toddler and Squirt will be in kindergarten. I want to soak up these squishy cheeks, giant eyes, and warm snuggles before they're gone.