one week

In one week, just ONE week, Squirt turns three. It really feels like a big transition to me. She's been maturing and growing so fast recently. It feels like once we cross that line, she'll no longer be my baby, my tiny girl - she'll be my BIG girl, my preschooler. It's so bittersweet. I remember the first weeks with her, how every colicky day seemed to last a lifetime, and now here we are. Days away from preschool. A girlfriend has referred to her girl, just a week younger than Squirt, as three going on thirteen. That is so true. More and more, I see glimpses of the big kid, the teenager, the adult. As always, I'm so amazed at this unique, amazing person, and so thankful to have her in my life, and to be a part of hers.

In other news, it feels like there's a rave going on in my uterus. I've been feeling gentle thumps and the "bubbles" sensation off and on for a couple weeks now, but today, this little monster has been going to town. I cannot believe how early I've started feeling movements - with Squirt, it was pretty close to 20 weeks. I think I felt the light bubbles/butterfly wings sensations periodically around 16, but really didn't feel anything noticeable until much later. So this is crazy. If this is any sign of what's to come, wow... we're in for one heck of a ride with these two Tasmanian devils!

Tiny Squirt, doing what she did best those first several weeks.

Now she's almost all grown up.
Adore that crazy hair, those rosy cheeks, and dirty everything <3

two weeks and one day, part 3

This year's anniversary of Squirt's due date - two weeks and one very long day before her birthday - is all the more bittersweet now that there's another baby on the way. I spend a great deal of time thinking of what I will do differently as I prepare for the birth of Squirt's tiny sibling, and I deeply hope the experience will be both healing and uplifting; however, as I hope and prepare, I realize that nothing will ever change what happened with Squirt. We will never regain what we lost - those treasured first moments, that entire first week. I will never be the first to touch her, the first to welcome her to the world. I will forever feel the hurt of having the most glorious piece of my soul being taken from me, kept from me, while all I could hear was her crying for me. A piece of my heart will always be broken remembering the hours of needless isolation as we were kept apart before I could even touch her.

But, as I struggle to come to peace with Squirt's birth and make room for the new baby to have it's own experience, I also delight in the wonder of this tiny toddler. She and I bonded fiercely after she was born - I really do feel that obstacles I had to overcome just to spend time with her, and the time she had to spend without me after months of never being alone, deepened that bond. I hope we will always be close, that she will always come to me for comfort, love, and support - indeed, building that kind of relationships with her has become one of my greatest goals. It is with both joy and sadness that I watch her excitedly prepare to enter preschool. She is growing increasingly independent and, as always, opinionated. There are days she tells me to "go away" as I leave her at daycare. I leave proud to see her growing and finding her own place in this world, but sad to see that my place in her world is shrinking. Without fail, though, she greets me at the end of the day with a beaming smile, and my heart grows a few sizes.

As her third birthday stands like an exclamation point on the horizon, I reflect on this last year - on all of them, really - and am just so amazed how much she's changed (and how much she's remained the same). I love this age and wish I could just freeze time and stay here forever. She is still my snuggly, sweet little girl. I can still cure all boo-boos and scares with a hug and a kiss. She is small enough for me to carry and hold close, but big enough to explore the world at my side. She (mostly) sleeps through the night. She does have her tantrums, but she is able to tell me what's upsetting her and, usually, a tight hug and some tickles will make things better. The world to her is still beautiful and new, full of goodness and wonder - the scariest things are the imaginary spiders that lurk in her woolie pajama pants, and even they are pacified with a stern warning to stay away and go home to their moms.

I love this girl with all my heart, and I know she loves me just as much. I am so thankful for every moment we spend together and feel so blessed to have her in my life. While the upcoming two weeks and one day will be filled with remembrance of the challenges we had to overcome, they will also be filled with joy. The world is such a better place for having her presence, and I plan to savor the next 15 days with her as we approach the big three, the last birthday with just us. Happy almost birthday, Squirt. You're amazing.

 

Almost three.

here we go again

I'm long overdue for an update. The last few months have been quite the roller coaster for the little family that Wendt. In December, just before the holiday, hubby was laid off. The unexpected loss of his income made the holidays challenging. Thanks to the overwhelming generosity of some close friends, we were able to give Squirt some presents, a mini-Jul feast, and teach her the true meaning of the season - love and kindness. The dawn of the new year brought about more changes when the hubs decided to expand his knife business and make it his full-time job. Once again, thanks to the generosity of his friends, he has been able to acquire the equipment necessary to increase his production and has, since, been busy completely overhauling his shop.

In the midst of this turbulence and unsurety of what the future holds, our family grew by one teensy little spec. But don't let its size fool you. This one is already giving Squirt a run for her money. Whereas nausea and food aversions were not unheard of with belly-Squirt, they have become a miserable fact of life these last few months. Dad-o is pretty sure I technically suffered from hyperemesis gravidarum. I puked most days, and was constantly extremely nauseated, from pretty much the nano-second of implantation until the last week or so. *knock on wood* So far, this baby loves beans and hates bacon. It gave me a bit of a scare at our first prenatal appointment - the midwife couldn't find the heartbeat. *That* didn't concern me so much, since I know they're pretty tricky to find that early on. But she pursed her lips. THAT concerned me. The sonographer was able to squeeze us in first thing the next day, where I was reassured with a strong heartbeat and ridiculously active little human. If this little one is already jumping, kicking, and headbanging with such fervor, given belly Squirt versus toddler-monster Squirt, this is going to be one bumpy ride!

totally

This week, Squirt surprised us with a fun new word: totally. When asked if she likes something that she really likes, or if she wants to do something she really wants to do, she exclaims, "yes, totally!" It's amusing and adorable. Neither I nor her caregivers at daycare can figure out where she picked up the term. It's better than some of the less kosher words she may or may not have picked up from momma, which will not be listed here...

Squirt has also started telling us she "can't" something-or-other. Most notably is that she "can't like" or "can't want" something. Not only does she not like/want that thing, but it is actually impossible for her to do so - she just can't. She also asks us to "hold on a minute" ... a lot. 

She also loves to argue. She'll argue with you about anything. If you change your argument halfway through, she'll change, too, just to be contrary. She loves to argue so much, that I've stumbled upon her arguing with herself! "Are not! Are too! Are not! Are too!..."

Another interesting development this week: hamburgers have trumped pizza as her favorite treat meal. Driving home from running some errands the other day, out of the blue, she told me that she needed a "hambuhbuhgah". I have no idea where she got that idea from, or even how she knew about hamburgers. We - as in me and daddy, never her - have had hamburgers a couple of times since she's joined the family and she's never had them at daycare; she's never shown any interest in them. All of a sudden, she wants a "hambuhbuhgah". Since I didn't have dinner planned out that evening, I thought what the heck. So we had a fancy family fast food date. Upon receiving her kiddie meal, she expertly unwrapped her burger and went to town, happily munching away and telling us how good it was. Now, whenever asked what she wants to eat, rather than her usual exclamation of "pizza!", she now asks for a "hambuhbuhgah". Crazy kid... Totally.

Eating her very first "hambuhbuhgah".

halloween

Halloween seemed to sneak up on us this year! Where did October go?

 

The weekend before Halloween, we visited a pumpkin patch to enjoy the beautiful weather and let Squirt pick out a pumpkin to carve. There were animals to pet, tiny tractors to ride, corn to play in, and thousands of pumpkins in every shape and size! We picked out two, but haven't had the chance to carve it - we'll have a Thanksgiving Jack 'o lantern!

 

This year, the Halloween theme at Squirt's daycare was literature. They asked the kids to come dressed as a favorite literary character (and to bring the book to share at story time) then held an adorable parade around the building so the kids could show off their costumes (don't even get me started on all of the Minnie Mouses and Disney princesses... not literary characters). Guess Squirt's costume.

 

After the excitement of the parade, Squirt and I played at the park across the street. She refused to wear her cape, but insisted on wearing her petticoat. We then picked up dad and wrapped up the evening trick-or-treating with friends. Squirt had the process figured out right away and had a blast! She would purposefully march up to each door, loudly proclaim"trick or treat", then sweetly thank them as she inspected her treats on the way to the next house. She was positively fearless at some of the more scary houses - she laughed and pointed at an animatronic witch that gave me the willies.

 

I can't believe it's already over, and can't wait until next year. I better stay on my toes, though. Before I know it, Thanksgiving and Jul will be here!

The world's tiniest farmer.

 

 

 

"This one."

 The parade at daycare - the only picture of her in her full costume.

 

 

Sad it's a whole year until Halloween comes again.

 

 

 

 

beautiful

It's so easy, sometimes, to get caught up in day-to-day activities and just bustle through each day, focusing on what needs to be done, on tomorrow, and not slowing down to truly savor the present. Scrolling through older blog posts, I realized I've been slipping back into that rut. Every day has been so busy with myriad necessary mundane activities (laundry, dishes, dinner, more dishes...) that I've been taking for granted Squirt's increasing independence and not pausing to treasure it. Looking back now on the last several weeks, I am overwhelmed with beauty. Squirt is, in so many, many ways, amazingly, breath-takingly beautiful. Yes, she is cute as a button and growing into a gorgeous girl, but what I really see is on the inside. Watching her grow and engage the world is such a joy and, if I had to choose just one word to describe her spirit right now, it would be "beautiful". I am in awe of this tiny human. Looking back, I am reminded (yet again) how fleeting time is with her and how constantly she is changing and maturing. As challenging as two-and-a-half is (and it sure has a lot of challenges!), I wish I could encapsulate this time so I could travel back and visit anytime I wished.

Here are some of the myriad highlights I never want to forget.

• Squirt finally really likes her grandparents, especially grandpa. He always makes her laugh. The funny thing, though, is that she hasn't figured out that she should call him "grandpa" or "papa" or "hey you"; instead, she simply calls both grandparents "grandma".
• Every afternoon last week, when I picked her up from daycare, I found Squirt curled up in a quiet corner by herself with books.
• She's still working on counting. Right now when she "counts," it's always "one, two, seven, eight!"
• She loves pink. She says it's her favorite color. She loves it so much that when you ask her to identify the color of something, she almost always exclaims, "pink!" Note, though, that she does know her colors and can correctly identify them - I think this is just wishful thinking on her part.
• More than ever, she loves to help and insists on doing things herself. This can be pretty stressful for both of us. I'm learning to let go and let her help with activities I normally wouldn't (like filling the humidifier or chopping up veggies) and am always amazed by how quickly she learns!
• She shares. Voluntarily. When she has a cup of chocolates, she will pick out a piece and give it to me (or dad or a friend or all of the above).
• She can't yet identify the letters of the alphabet (and is still working out the proper order of them in the "ABC song"); however, she can identify every C on the piano and correctly points out the middle Cs on sheet music!
• She sings often - every day. She sings about her day. She sings made-up stories. She sings noises. She just sings. And it is beautiful.
• She is so compassionate - she always has been. If she sees a friend crying, she will pat her back and try to soothe her. Not long ago, one of her friends at daycare was upset when her dad dropped her off. Lily gave her a hug, held her hand, and said "i's ok, I wit' you."
• Squirt's imagination is not only blossoming, but is through the roof! Watching her play is such a delightful adventure. This, I think, is only going to get better in the coming months and years.
• Right now, she wants only to sleep in my arms. At bedtime, she always asks, "Momma, arm p'ease", then curls up against me. We read (and read and read) before I turn out the lights and she falls asleep (sometimes more easily than others). But she insists on being in the nook of my arm. I doubt this will last much longer, so I really don't mind.
• She says please (actually, it's more like "p'eeeeeease"), almost always. And she says it with such a sparkle in her eye and the sweetest little smile that it is almost impossible to say no...
• Every single time she kisses daddy, she turns her head and goes "BLEAH!", pretending to spit his cooties out. <3
• She hates having pictures taken of her. Anytime she sees a camera (or camera phone) pointing her way, she waves her hands in front of her and yells, "no pi'tures!" For every good picture I have of her, there are easily a dozen "bad" ones...
• She randomly gives hugs. Every now and then, for no apparent reason, she will stop what she's doing, run up to me or dad, and give us a big hug and a kiss, then resume what she was doing. Sometimes, this includes a spontaneous "I ya you!"

Beautiful girl.

 

Addendum

A few more wonderful things came to me right after I saved the above list...

• Ever since that first frozen yogurt date, Squirt has been crazy about "c'eam". One of her favorite things (and she'll sing about her "c'eam day" both before and after to let you know how much she loves it) is to go on "c'eam dates" at her favorite fro yo joint - the one where they give out cute colored spoons.
• She also gets adorably excited about getting pizza. If I tell her we're going to have pizza for a meal, she cheers and happily sings her "pizza day, pizza day, pizza day, yaaay" song until she sits down to eat. Even later in the day, if you ask what she did or how her day was, she'll cherrily tell you she had pizza. One of the last times we went to get pizzsa, she told me "I hold pizza in my hands like dis" [holds hands together, palms up], "den I eat pizza wit' my mouth like dis" [pretends to enthusiastically stuff her face with pizza and nosh away].
• She invented a rather interesting game that she plays all the time with us right now. She proclaims she will eat your [insert random body part here], pretends to eat it, then says "I put it back!" and slaps your body part back in place. This has branched out into everyday life, too. We went to the aquarium last weekend, and she pretended a fish ate her finger and squealed, "Put it back, fish!" She pretended to grab it back from the fish and push it back into place on her hand.

<3

 

 
 

 



glowing

Oh, how I love the fall! The scent of roasting chile on the cooler air, the turning leaves, balloons dotting the sky... October, especially in New Mexico, really feels like the start of the festive holiday season! And we Burqueños sure know how to start it off with a bang - the International Balloon Fiesta! This year, rather than waking up at an obscene hour to watch a mass ascension, we opted to go to an evening session and watch a glow. We visited when they were launcing the American Challenge Gas Balloon Racers, so we still got to see some balloons go up!

This was Squirt's third visit to the Balloon Fiesta. While her eyes were always just about as big as the balloons she was awed by, this year she really let us know what she thought. She was so excited by everything and chattered away about her favorites (the giant butterfly was, hands down, her favorite). As the balloons began to inflate for the glow, she exclaimed "ooooh! aaaah!" As the sun dipped below the horizon, we walked amongst the towering balloons as they glowed from within. It was magical and, as always, I can't wait for next year!

 

Her traditional "pin hat" - every serious Fest-goer must have one!

 

Pouting because she wanted to see the racers right now.

 

The racers inflating. 

 

Much happier once she got to see the racers inflate.

 

 

 

The racers started launching as the other balloons started to inflate.

 

The last racer lifted off just as the sun set.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ooooh!

 

Aaaah!

 

 

Some of the special shapes.

 

 

The glow!

 

 

Good night, moon.