engaged

I am currently undergoing an exercise of sorts - not one for my body or my brain, but for my family. Someone recently pointed me to  a blog series about "Ten Days of Intentional Parenting," and reading through the different exercises really inspired me. When reading the posts, I reflected on the last few weeks of time spent with Squirt. Quite some time ago, I did the math and came to the sobering conclusion that I spend more time away from Squirt than I do with her (awake), but I continued business as usual. I realized that - lately at least - I haven't been fully engaged when with Squirt. I'm either trying to get the dishes done, or dinner on the table, or any manner of anything else, and I'm constantly feeling like a bad mom, bad housekeeper, bad anything - it feels like everything is a compromise. While I have been working on our communication and trying to understand her needs better, which has led to a marked decrease in mega-meltdowns (yay!), I haven't been working on the quality of time we spend together.

This "ten days" exercise is helping me to refocus on what's truly important while helping me find a better balance in my life. One of the key take-away lessons I've gained from these exercises is to be more fully engaged when I'm with Squirt. No phones, no computer, no dishes - just her, if only for a few minutes each day. I have made it my goal to be fully engaged and connected with her in our few hours between work and bedtime on week nights. So far, I've put aside most of my routine chores to spend time with her, but now I'm trying to uncover ways I can include her in those tasks so they get done while we spend time together. That's tricky, but doable. She loves to "help" in the garden. She wants to help with the dishes, but I really don't want her to (yet)!

So far so good. The first afternoon I spent being "fully engaged" was tough. It was hard to stop fretting about the chores, the work, the emails. But she was so happy. Even though she has more teeth wreaking havoc on her tender gums and is pretty miserable about it, she's been surprisingly mellow and increasingly independent (go figure - being more "attached" leads to greater confidence and trust which leads to greater independence). And I love this time we share. It's become my emotional/mental reset button at the end of the day. Whereas before my day and it's stresses would cling to me all evening, now that I'm focusing more on my time with Squirt, they seem to all but dissolve on their own.

One of Squirt's favorite rituals right now is the bath. As the evening starts to draw to a close, sometimes she walks over to the gate at the bathroom door, rattles it, and points to the tub. Ok, I get it! Bath time. She splashes and plays and has started to help washing her dirty bits. Sometimes we have "tea," playing with a little bathtub tea set. Last night, she just sat in the middle of the giant tub and "sang" to me. The cats thought she was crazy, but I thought it was delightful. Now when she decides she's done, she (whether I like it or not), climbs out of the tub and crawls into my lap. If I'm not on the ball with the towel, I wind up soaked, much to her delight.

Passing her first birthday has vividly reminded me how fleeting this precious time is. So it's now time to wake up, slow down, and stay engaged and in the moment with her before the moment passes.

The cat thinks she's crazy...

Bath time!

Working on her teeth.

Boo!